Captain...?

I have no idea what makes the rank of "Captain" so important, but it seems like everyone wants to be one. Just take a look at all these:

Captain America

This is probably one of the first you think of when you hear someone mention a hero named "Captain...?" The shield-slinger has been around for decades, and is just now apparently getting a fairly decent movie treatment.

For a while, he was Steve Rogers, then Bucky Barnes took over, then Steve came back and Bucky went to jail. Technically this leaves us with no clear Captain America as the movie is coming out, but I'm sure that will all be fixed up quickly.

Any way you look at it, the guy is popular with more statues and figures out there than any other hero on this list.

Captain Marvel (Marvel version)

This is one of the few "Captains" who actually has a military rank for his name. Granted, it's in the Kree army, but it counts. Mar-vell died in the very first Marvel graphic novel ever created called (surprise) "The Death of Captain Marvel".

The story did so well it paved the way for many more graphic novels over time. Unfortunately now every TPB is branded a graphic novel which cheapens the title. Read the original story in light of the comic books coming out at the time and you'll see why it was such an amazing story.


Captain Marvel (DC version)

This poor hero had a hard time of it for a while. When he first came out, DC included him in their rash of legal challenges against any and every hero who even remotely resembled Superman. Even though he was a popular hero with a lot of differences from the man of steel, DC won and the character spent years in comic book limbo. Ironically enough, DC bought the character and later brought him to his own series of stories that proved very popular.

He has fought Superman a lot over the years, though their titanic battle in Kingdom Come remains my favorite. In that one he truly cut loose against Superman and took him down, answering once and for all who would really win if the gloves were off.

Captain Carrot

One of those "funny animal" heroes, Captain Carrot really is a pretty cool dude. I remember reading that first issue as a kid and being hooked from that point forward. Spending years in limbo, they were brought back two years ago in a mini-series that ended up making them real animals in our world. They did get to come back in Final Crisis, but nothing has happened with him since.

To me, I think a Captain Carrot action figure would be a huge hit. The costume was cool and I'd love to see it in 3D as a figure, though I doubt he'll ever get one. Then again, if Animal Man can get a figure, surely some custom figure guy will try his hand at Captain Carrot and put him on Ebay!

Hey, tomorrow's my birthday, so if you're good at that thing and feel generous, it would be one of the coolest geek birthday presents I've gotten in a long time!

Captain Britain 

There are rumors he'll be a cameo in the upcoming Captain America movie. If he is, I highly doubt he'll show up in his awesome 70's outfit with the medallion and staff. Oh there are plenty of haters on the internet who hate that thing, but it beats out his later spandex outfit to me.

This character started out as Marvel's answer to Captain America for England, but he eventually made his way over the pond to team up with Spider-Man against Arcade in Murderworld. Years later he proved popular enough to lead a team called Excalibur (Marvel's attempt at a British version of the X-Men with a few mutants thrown in for the mix).

Captain Comet

Known as "The Man From the Day After Tomorrow", Captain Comet showed up for several issues as the lead hero during the run of "Society of Super Villains". After that he was pretty much banished to guest-star-only status for over a decade.

Even though he's been in several books since then, he has yet to really make a long-lasting impression on many readers. Most of the titles he appears in tend to be canceled shortly after he joins the roster. It makes no sense to me though, because I think the guy is pretty fun to read about. Great costume too!

Captain Universe

I still remember Micronauts #8 where we first saw this hero. Though the idea of a person becoming a hero to help in a situation and then losing that power isn't new (remember "Dial H for Hero"?) the way the character moved into his own series later on was a nice touch. Each issue would see a different person get the power and use it their own way. Sometimes they helped people, and once a cat burglar got it and tried to use it for his own selfish gains (it didn't end well for him).

The Uni-Power has even taken over a number of superheroes. Spider-Man was the first, then later the Silver Surfer, the Hulk, Sue Storm, and Daredevil all got their chance at unlimited power.

Captain Atom

Another hero who got his "Captain" title from military rank, Captain Atom was originally a Charleton character that was bought by DC. One of only three that really made an impact in the DC universe (the other two are the Blue Beetle and the Question), Captain Atom is the only one of the three still the original character from Charleton. 

The good Captain even made his way into a nice Justice League Unlimited story arch on television, working for the government to stop the Question and Huntress. He's recently rejoined Justice League International members Booster Gold, Fire, and Ice in Justice League: Generation Lost.

So Many Masks

Several weeks ago we had a poll asking which type of mask you'd wear if you were a hero. You never really realize how many there are out there until you break them down...which we'll do right now.

Domino Mask

Worn by: Nightwing, Green Lantern, Robin, etc.

Probably the most famous type of mask, it also covers just about the least of the face. I still have a hard time believing this would fool anyone, but it apparently has for years.

The mask begs the question "What in the world is keeping it on your face?" First of all it has to be something that will stay on in the middle of a fight no matter how sweaty you get. But then it has to be removable without ripping the skin around your eyes off.

Yes, I know Green Lantern's mask is created by his ring and is therefore part of the costume, but Nightwing, Robin, Red Hood, and many others have had this little thing stuck to their faces for years without a problem or reasonable explanation.

Cowl

Worn by: Batman, Nighthawk, Red Robin, etc

The most popular choice in our poll, the cowl serves this purpose of keeping the hair covered at least. Now it's not necessarily as easy to figure out who you are under the mask as the domino mask would be.

Add to that a certain streamlined effect and you have a pretty cool look. The fact that it's attached to the flowing cape doesn't hurt either. All in all it can be a fairly intimidating appearance when it's done right.

There's a reason Batman's iconic look has stayed with pop culture for decades. It's an old faithful design that just works.

Full Face Mask

Worn by: Spider-Man, Union Jack, Deathstroke, etc

For a real mystery man look, it's hard to go wrong with this type of mask. Covered completely, heroes sporting this look have that mystery surrounding them that leads a lot of people to wonder what person is really under all that.

Truthfully though, it's hard to imagine Spider-Man without his full mask. And Deadpool just doesn't seem as funny any other way. Union Jack was able to use the look to his advantage to fool Baron Blood into thinking he was an old man when in actually he was young Joey Chapman.

There are a lot of advantages to going this route...though the cost of material goes up a little. That, and it's hard to figure out how you can breathe that well in a tough fight with cloth on your face.

Goggles

Worn by: Booster Gold, Blue Beetle, Plastic Man, Vigilante, etc.

Now this one is hard to pull off right. The first time I read a Plastic Man comic in the 70's I couldn't figure out what was going on with his eyes. Which way was he supposed to be looking? Eventually I figured it all out and the craze seemed to catch on.

Now heroes like Booster Gold and the Blue Beetle have added to the mix of using a functional mask. I mean, when it's raining outside which hero can still see in a torrential downpour? Try that Spider-Man!

Seriously though, I think this could be considered cheating just a little.

Sunglasses

Worn by: Nomad, Hitman, Blade, etc.

If you're not up for goggles, there's always a cheaper way out through sunglasses. While I consider Jack Munroe's Nomad to be one of the best heroes out there and best costume for a casual hero type, I've never been one to follow how he kept the sunglasses on. Also, how are they handy in a fight indoors?

It's really hard to see a hero pull this off and not look like someone off "Jersey Shore", but it's been done. Oddly enough, this is the one look that looks best in the movie versions of the characters. It's hard to pull off a mask on a real person, but sunglasses always look tough.

I almost threw Cyclops in with this group, but I'm not really sure it would be fair. I think he'd fall more under a mixture of the goggles and sunglasses crowd.

No Mask

Worn by: Superman, The Sentry, Punisher, etc.

Of course, there are those who skip masks altogether and just say "Here I am. Look at me!" It's usually done by someone with nothing to hide because their identity is public (like the Punisher) or they look differently when in their secret identity (like DC's Captain Marvel or The Sentry). And yes, Superman hides behind glasses (even dumber than a domino mask) and still folks can't figure out who he is.

Whatever the reason, this is the easy way out. Fight as hard as you want to and never worry about someone seeing your face because your mask got shredded. I can't say I'm a fan of this though. For me, I think it's always cooler to see a hero in some form of mask. The only exception I'll give is the Punisher. I think he'd look a little weird wearing one for some reason.

Helmet

Worn by: Ant-Man, Iron Man, Doctor Fate, Forbush Man, etc.

For real protection, it's hard to go wrong with a good old-fashioned piece of metal on your head! Whether you're using it to control an entire suit of armor like Iron Man or just to hide your identity like Red Hood, you can't say anything about the functionality of one. However, hiding the costume takes a lot of creative thinking when you can't just cram it all under your tuxedo and walk in.

I've always  thought artists probably love drawing helmeted characters more than anything else. No worries about emotion on the face or anything...just a blank slate.

The only character easier to draw would have to be the Question.

Hood

Worn by: Green Arrow, The Spectre, Moon Knight, etc

While hiding identity, I have to say this one would be hard to justify as safe. Think about it: your peripheral vision is absolutely shot. True, you're ready for a rainstorm, but if someone comes at you quietly from the side you are dead.

Also, how do you keep this on your head while you're running after (or away from) a bad guy? When I have my hood on and I go running to my car in the rain, it always flies back and lets me get soaked.

Functionally, I have to say this one is at the bottom of the barrel. Yes, the "mysterious stranger" look works when stepping out of the shadows...but it's not the best choice in a fight.

Over-the-Head Mask

Worn by: Captain America, Hawk and Dove, the Atom, etc.

I'm not sure of the official name for this look, so let's just say it's a cowl without the cape kind of thing. It's been popular for years with everyone from the Flash to Vindicator wearing one.

The thing that makes this one slightly less believable is the way the heroes usually have it during "casual times". Most of the time their whole head is through the mouth part with the mask laying behind their head until the pull it up over their head and on. That sucker would be so stretched out it would blow off in a light wind.

There is a variation of this mask where the hair is seen. Marvel's version of Captain Marvel and the original Captain Britain look are two heroes who go that way with it. Again, I'm not sure what it's officially called though. You know what I mean, right?

Weird Everything-But-The-Face Mask

Worn by: Puck, Justice, The Angel, Gambit, etc.

Ok, I had no idea what you actually called this one, but I've seen it from time to time. I guess this would be considered a "face frame" more than a mask.

I suppose this one would be more for those heroes who want to wear a mask, while still wanting people to know what they looked like underneath. This might even fit into the "no mask" category.

Maybe you're proud of your hair, or maybe you just like the way you look in the mirror, either way, if this is your choice it's not very functional for anything other than keeping your ears warm in the wind.


There are a lot of characters that fit into combinations of categories that I didn't cover. For example, Magneto would fit into the helmet/face-frame mixture. Doctor Doom would fit into the helmet/hood group. Deadshot would be an entirely new combination, with full-face mask/eyescope group. The combinations are endless.

As you can tell, it would be impossible to categorize them all. Hopefully I've covered the most often used ones though.

Smallville's Series Finale - The CW's Finger to the Fans

I just finished watching the Smallville series finale. If you haven't seen it and don't want spoilers, stop reading right now.

For the rest of you...

Ten years. We watched this show for 10 years for one reason: to see the suit. How many times did it suffer horrible words flung at it from critics everywhere, while we fans fought and defended it because we hoped for a happy ending? Through every stupid Lana episode, we held on even though she would never die. With every moronic "I didn't ask for this destiny!" speech we heard from Clark, we kept on tuning in. Even when Lex himself left, we still stuck around through horrible storylines and cheap villains just because we wanted to see the suit.

Yep, I got a million bucks for those ten minutes.

And here we ended up, 10 years later, and we only wanted two things: Michael Rosenbaum to return to the role he made his own: Lex Luthor (check, we got that one), and we wanted to see Welling in the suit. After teasing for weeks on end about it, showing clips of it and even an outline of the cape for a few promos, the night came to deliver.

What did we get? A half dozen long-range shots of a tiny figure in the suit that actually looked less convincing than 98% of the Photoshop fan pictures I've seen on the internet! And when it finally swung around to give us a glimpse, it cuts to a comic book? Are you kidding me??? Do they honestly think we don't know what Superman looks like in the comic books???

Suck it, viewers! You'll never see this! Hahahaa!

Rosenbaum did great, and the "memory loss powder" was a very nice touch that allowed the mythos to step in there for no memory of Smallville. But 10 minutes? And all we got was a speech to Clark and a speech to Tess (right before he killed her...nice touch and points for you there, writers). They should have skipped the whole Darkseid angle and just given us two hours of Clark versus Lex.

Or--and I know this is a crazy thought but hear me out here--they could have given us Welling in the suit! One shot! Just one! If that's all we were worth to you producers and writers, you should have given us one lousy shot.

Now we get to add Smallville's finale to the list of great series bombouts like Battlestar Galactica and Lost.

Hey guys, please let me know when you're starting another series so I can be sure to save my time and money.

Yeah, how you like me now, eh?

On the other hand, I'm sure Brandon Routh is sleeping happily tonight knowing that someone did manage to put together a Superman piece of junk worse that Superman Returns. For that, I'm sure he thanks the writers and producers profusely.

Smallville's season finale...if this is what WB can do with heroes, it's time to stop reading comic books.

The only way they will ever redeem this mess is if they let Welling come into the JLA movie as Superman. Chances of that happening are just slightly less than Spider-Man 3 winning an award as the best comic book film ever made.

Am I wrong? Did you like it? Did you feel those CGI pinpoint versions of Welling in costume were enough? Let your voice be heard in the comments!