Trailer Thursday: Superman Vs. The Hulk

While not technically a trailer, this fan-film is so amazing I had to post it. I love how they chose the Chris Reeve version of Superman to fight the modern Hulk. I look forward to seeing how this one eventually ends (provided DC or Marvel doesn't shut him down for copyright infringement or something).

Trailer Thursday: World's Finest

If only this could have been made it would have been awesome beyond belief...

Moments That Made the Bronze (and Modern) Age: The Dark Knight Returns

This one was from the 80's, I know, but I consider this a game-changer for the character. Growing up the 70's to Neal Adams' Batman interpretation that later gave way to the awesome Jim Aparo, I knew Batman was cool and tough. I missed the campy 50's and 60's "fat" version of the character, so I'd always seen him that way. But sales on the title were at a lull and he needed a boost.

And along came Frank Miller.

"The Dark Knight Returns" couldn't be considered a reboot. It's supposed to take place in the future, and to my knowledge it's never been branded an "Elseworlds" title, but at the same time the ramifications were felt back into the "real" version of the character as Alan Moore stepped in with "The Killing Joke" and soon the comic book had a gritty hero again.

What makes The Dark Knight Returns stand out to me is the hopeless view given of Gotham City without its hero. We see this place where anarchy pretty much rules and the police can do little to stop it. Then, over the course of several pages, an aging Bruce Wayne decides to suit up again and stop the madness. He has a monster Batmobile that was a nice precursor to the Tumbler we see now in the movies. In one particularly awesome scene, we see Batman pulling along the mutant leader, goading him into escaping Gotham jail only to find himself in a fight with Batman himself. That's the cool stuff.

I also like how we find Superman aging as well, and not quite the same in his views on everything while still holding on to enough Clark Kent to give us someone to cheer for. And then the Joker was crazier than we'd ever seen him before. I think this story was instrumental in helping everyone perceive him as a true threat to Batman rather than the caricature he'd become over time. 

SPOILER ALERT FROM THIS POINT FORWARD:

Of course, the to-the-death fights in here are what made the story stand out to me. First of all, there is the Joker. How many times have we read: "No more! Tonight this ends!" in Batman comics (even today) and known ahead of time he was just going to put Joker away and let him escape again? But this time...this time was different.

Even though Batman technically didn't kill the Joker (the madman broke his own neck to frame him), it was still nice to see a little closure on this never-ending conflict.

And then we had the throwdown with Superman himself. This fight actually changed the way people saw Batman and Superman after this, with Jim Lee letting him beat Superman down in Hush and everyone else practically making him invincible since then.

And of course, the ending is killer. While the story itself is good, it wouldn't be anywhere near that great if it didn't end well. Fortunately, it does.

Unfortunately, when Miller went back to this universe several years later, he gave the world a horrible sequel that could be consider the "Batman and Robin" movie of the comic book world. It successfully killed the universe for all of us.

The coolest part of this is the fact that the upcoming Batman:Arkham City game will have the option for you to play as TDKR version of Batman, gritty looking and all! It's one of the key reasons I'm buying the game.

While not the best Batman story ever necessarily, it's definitely in the top 5 for me.

Next week, we start a new series of posts called "What I Hate About the 90's". Feel free to chime in about your own hated moments of the "Dark Ages" of comics.

Superman Revealed!

So we now have a look at the new Superman from Zack Snyder's reboot:

Check it out! With this one picture we've seen this guy in costume more than we saw Tom Welling in one through 10 seasons of Smallville! Yeah, I went there.

Even though this film is two years away (Summer 2013), I'd say we're off to a good start with this look. No, it's not the Christopher Reeve suit--it leans more toward the "Superman Returns" look, actually--but at least it's not some absolutely crazy variant like the first X-Men film.

Snyder did a killer job with Watchmen and kept it close to the original concept in many ways. I'm confident he'll give us something good here as well. The thing he's got going for him is the fact that the comic book hasn't blown people away in a while (we'll see how it goes after the reboot, but "Grounded"? Not that great), so this may be the thing to jump start interest in the character again.

The Fate of Fathers

For Father's Day this year, my sons both made me cards. Khristian, a comic book fan who knew what his dad liked, drew me a card that said "Spending Father's Day with my dad..." and on the inside was a crying Batman that said, "Something I can do that even Batman can't!" It made me smile and gave both of us a fun afternoon of figuring out what other heroes had a similar problem.

Did you ever stop to realize how many superheroes are fatherless? It seems like a requirement before you put on the spandex!

Here's what we're talking about:

Peter Parker 

Though the fate of his real father is kind of convoluted (spies? Maybe, maybe not), let's look at the man who raised him: Uncle Ben. Here was this kindly old man who gave us the single most famous line of advice in comic book history ("With great power..."), and how does he end up getting repaid? Shot dead by a burglar in the first issue! Of course, that's a better fate than being run down by a car like a stray dog as he was in "Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark". Still, that single act changed the carefree direction Peter had taken with his powers and turned him into a superhero.

Tim Drake/Robin 2

This Robin (later Red Robin) actually started out with a fairly decent father relationship. His dad tried, if nothing else, to keep an eye on his son. Even when he eventually found out his little boy was fighting crime with Batman, he kept it cool even though he made it known often that he didn't like it.

Though the relationship had some very rough spots, it ended in a horribly painful way with Tim screaming into the phone for his dad while Jack faced a very out-of-shape Captain Boomerang in Identity Crisis.  In the end, the kid became an orphan with his dad dying in his arms. Captain Boomerang came back in Brightest Day, Tim's father did not.

Batman

Can there be any doubt that his father's death was pivotal in this character's development? His all-consuming battle with criminals everywhere began with Crime Alley and hasn't stopped since.

In later years a miniseries called "The Untold Legend of the Batman" would show how Bruce's father was actually the first one to put on a Batman-type costume at a costume party just before they died, which Bruce would later say gave him the subconscious push for his own costume design.

In a very cool twist, the Flashpoint Batman series allowed Thomas Wayne to survive the mugging encounter, with young Bruce dying. In essence it gave us a new angle on the old Batman myth. Apparently, that moment in Crime Alley was destined to create a hero.

Superman

This guy wins the big prize because he lost not just one dad, but two! And not only that, but Pa Kent has died more times than Aunt May so Supes just keeps getting gut punched reboot after reboot!

Originally sent to Earth from Krypton by his biological father, Jor-El, Superman only later learned how his father had sacrificed his own life to save his son. Fortunately, the Kents found young Kal-El and he was assured a happy life forever.

Nope. Pa Kent has died in the comics, cartoons, Smallville and even the movies. No matter how many times he comes back, it seems the writers are determined this man must stay dead for Clark to carry on as a superhero.

Dick Grayson/Robin 1

A circus acrobat...what could be safer? Well, if the mob moves in on your circus, accidents can happen.

Dick and his parents made up the Flying Graysons, a trapeze act that was the hit of the circus. Unfortunately, one night the wires broke and Dick joined the ranks of superhero orphans. Robin was brought into the Batman comics because they were trying to reach a wider audience, and it actually worked. Soon every major hero seemed to take on a child sidekick (Captain America had Bucky, Captain Marvel had Captain Marvel Jr., Sandman had Sandy, etc).

Daredevil

Jack Murdock was a fighter who ended up on the wrong side of some gangsters by not throwing a fight. As a result, they killed him all kinds of dead while his blind son could do nothing to help him. Later on, Matt Murdock would put on the red spandex (or red leather if you saw the movie) and fight crime to avenge his dad's wrongful death.

While by no means a saint, Matt's father showed true character in his death, which is sort of an underlying theme throughout most of the fathers' deaths on here. There was some sort of selfless act that caused it.

Green Lantern

Hal Jordan's dad was a test pilot for Ferris. That meant he got to fly a lot of unstable planes because he was the best pilot there was. See the possibility of problems here?

His dad was a test pilot. Hal himself would grow up to be a test pilot...for the same company. Sounds a little crazy, I know, but it led to him being considered fearless enough for a green power ring when the time came for a new Green Lantern.

The death of Hal's father left a gaping hole in his life, and it motivated him to do some crazy stuff before he got the ring. Even after the ring, though, his father's legacy continued to push him to be a better man. Though we barely even saw the man, his "blaze of glory" moment reverberated through the DC universe for decades.

Save The Retro Action Heroes!

Just found out Mattel is killing off the Retro Action Superheroes lineup due to poor sales. How any company can complain about poor sales when you can never find the product is beyond me. Someone is putting together a petition you can sign to try and salvage the line or at least make it available on MattyCollector.com as a subscription service like they do for Masters of the Universe toys. I'd gladly sign up for that subscription myself.


Mattycollector.com is a weird place anyway though. They complain about how no one buys their stuff enough to keep a line going, but almost every single DC product they put up sells out within minutes of release! You can never find a single DCU product on their website (everything says "Sold Out" except the newest Stewart Green Lantern Retro). If everything you make sells out, how can you complain that you have no sales? It's crazy! They even had a special DCU sale this past Monday morning to help clear up inventory, and those sold out within minutes! Again, if you're selling out then you're either not making enough or what you're making is selling better than you expected!

They even released a special 4 part Green Lantern series set to coincide with the movie. Sinestro and Guy Gardner sold out within hours of their release. John Stewart's GL hasn't fared as well and is still available, with Kyle Rayner's GL due to come out in a few days to complete the set. 

At $20 a pop, these Retro figures were incredibly expensive for what they were. The figures seldom stood on their own due to flimsy construction on the legs--but I still bought all of them and would gladly buy the next sets coming out just due to the nostalgia factor. The problem was you could never find them in stores!

Anyway, please take a moment to sign the petition to keep this line alive, even if only from the website or--preferably--through a subscription-based service that promises everyone who wants one can get one. It's kept the MOTU line going for years now, so there's no reason it wouldn't work for us. Even if you don't collect the line, please sign it for a fellow collector...please!

Superman and Lois No More!

In an interview, DC EIC Dan Didio announced that the longtime marriage between Superman and Lois Lane will be experiencing a sort of wipeout with the new reboot. A company's flagship character has his two-decade marriage wiped clean by a reboot...does that sound familiar?

It's a Super One More Day!

To be fair, Didio keeps coy about the whole thing, but when he mentions how proud he is to have Grant Morrison on the character it pretty much shows the trouble we're in with the character.

Don't believe me? Then check out the cover for Action Comics #1, with Morrison at the helm with his new vision for the hero:

Blue jeans and a cape? I'm from Alabama and see this often at Wal-Mart, but I never expected anyone to purchase an actual comic book with this as the true costume scheme!

DC is doing this, according to the interview, because comic shops are being filled with "older generations of reader" who grew up with the stories, while this new approach should bring in the younger new readers who go the movies and want to learn more about the heroes without the back-stories. Whatever.

I just think this whole Superman/Lois breakup is a dumb idea. Whether it's by choice or they get Darkseid to wipe out their history with omega beams to Ma Kent won't die, it stinks. Comic writers seem to think that any comic book with a married couple is death on a cracker. Never mind showing how tough a relationship might be when one of the pair is out fighting super-villains all the time, let's just break them up and start all over.

Well, at least we still have Reed and Sue Richards as a married couple making it work...for now.

Heroic Hangouts!

Every hero needs a place to call "home"...even though it's not. Let's just say it's a really cool clubhouse and go from there. These bases would really make fun places to live!

The Fortress of Solitude

The commute for this one would be killer if you didn't have super-speed or flight on your side, but you have it admit it would be a pretty nice place to hang out. Now I'm not talking about the "ice castles" version you see in the movies and on Smallville...I'm talking about the one in the comic books. 

This thing had gigantic statues, a bottled city called Kandor, a full-sized cruise ship (just for decoration!), a private alien zoo, and so much more. Not to mention the fact that it virtually guaranteed no solicitors at your doorstep. They wouldn't even be able to find the place or lift the gigantic arrow key!

Of course, between all the world-saving and the Daily Planet day job, I don't see how Superman spent any time in the thing.

The Baxter Building

Home to the Fantastic Four since the beginning and almost constantly since, the Baxter Building is the antithesis of the Batcave: It's located right in the heart of the busiest city in the U.S. so everyone knows where it is! Add to that the fact that no one in the team has a secret identity and you get the feeling it was begging for visitors.

Filled to the brim with scientific do-dads and even the entrance to the Negative Zone, the Baxter Building packs a lot of function into a small amount of space.

It took several years and multiple battles before Reed Richards finally bought the place. Before that happened, it couldn't have been fun working in that building.

"What's that sound? Oh great, Doctor Doom's attacking the top floor again. Now I'll have to take the stairs to go home! 35 flights of stairs! I'm getting another job!"

The JLA Satellite

A base in outer space is another way to keep the unwanted visitors off your doorstep. Unfortunately, there are those of us who have crippling fears of heights which would immediately strike this off the list of potential heroic hangouts. 

This is definitely the most unsafe of the bases in this list, as any puncture to the hull would result in immediate and terrifying death for those who weren't built for outer space.

This base got a really bad rap during Identity Crisis, when Sue Dibny was assaulted by Doctor Light in it. To me that was something that could have been skipped over altogether.

The JLA no longer have this place, choosing instead to work out of the Hall of Justice. Those of us who grew up in the Bronze Age of comics still think of this place as the JLA's true home. Even the moon base they had for a while didn't seem as cool as your own satellite in space.

The Avengers Mansion

This one is cool because...well, it's a mansion. It's located in Manhattan (where all the cool heroes hang out) and has been the sight of several titanic battles over the years. Tony Stark originally paid for and built the thing for the Avengers back before they knew he was Iron Man and it's served them well over the years.

The mansion has been the site of several heart-wrenching battles. The "Avengers Disassembled" storyline saw the death of Ant-Man and Hawkeye there before it was destroyed. The Masters of Evil also came in the ripped the place to shreds at one point, almost killing Jarvis in the process.

The Avengers moved to their own floating island/building for a while. Big surprise here, but it was eventually sunk during an attack in the "Acts of Vengeance" storyline. Recently it was rebuilt by Stark and given to Luke Cage as a base for the "New Avengers" after the events of Civil War.

The Batcave

Hands down the coolest place to live on Earth, the Batcave won our reader's poll of best overall base and it's easy to see why. Besides being hidden in a cave (and what guy doesn't think that's cool?) it's filled with the latest gadgets and goodies...along with an awesome car, boat, and plane at your disposal at any moment!

Don't feel like being in the dark? Well, you get the best of both worlds here by just walking upstairs to stately Wayne Manor! Now it's nothing but fireplaces and flat-screen televisions in every room, along with your own butler! No more cleaning up after yourself!

Actually though, there's a possibility Batman could have been a bit of a hoarder with all that junk he kept in there (a giant penny and a mechanical dinosaur? Seriously?). Also, what's the point of having such a boss base and never letting anyone else see it? I'd have friends over all the time, which is probably why I'm not the Batman (or am I?).

So Many Masks

Several weeks ago we had a poll asking which type of mask you'd wear if you were a hero. You never really realize how many there are out there until you break them down...which we'll do right now.

Domino Mask

Worn by: Nightwing, Green Lantern, Robin, etc.

Probably the most famous type of mask, it also covers just about the least of the face. I still have a hard time believing this would fool anyone, but it apparently has for years.

The mask begs the question "What in the world is keeping it on your face?" First of all it has to be something that will stay on in the middle of a fight no matter how sweaty you get. But then it has to be removable without ripping the skin around your eyes off.

Yes, I know Green Lantern's mask is created by his ring and is therefore part of the costume, but Nightwing, Robin, Red Hood, and many others have had this little thing stuck to their faces for years without a problem or reasonable explanation.

Cowl

Worn by: Batman, Nighthawk, Red Robin, etc

The most popular choice in our poll, the cowl serves this purpose of keeping the hair covered at least. Now it's not necessarily as easy to figure out who you are under the mask as the domino mask would be.

Add to that a certain streamlined effect and you have a pretty cool look. The fact that it's attached to the flowing cape doesn't hurt either. All in all it can be a fairly intimidating appearance when it's done right.

There's a reason Batman's iconic look has stayed with pop culture for decades. It's an old faithful design that just works.

Full Face Mask

Worn by: Spider-Man, Union Jack, Deathstroke, etc

For a real mystery man look, it's hard to go wrong with this type of mask. Covered completely, heroes sporting this look have that mystery surrounding them that leads a lot of people to wonder what person is really under all that.

Truthfully though, it's hard to imagine Spider-Man without his full mask. And Deadpool just doesn't seem as funny any other way. Union Jack was able to use the look to his advantage to fool Baron Blood into thinking he was an old man when in actually he was young Joey Chapman.

There are a lot of advantages to going this route...though the cost of material goes up a little. That, and it's hard to figure out how you can breathe that well in a tough fight with cloth on your face.

Goggles

Worn by: Booster Gold, Blue Beetle, Plastic Man, Vigilante, etc.

Now this one is hard to pull off right. The first time I read a Plastic Man comic in the 70's I couldn't figure out what was going on with his eyes. Which way was he supposed to be looking? Eventually I figured it all out and the craze seemed to catch on.

Now heroes like Booster Gold and the Blue Beetle have added to the mix of using a functional mask. I mean, when it's raining outside which hero can still see in a torrential downpour? Try that Spider-Man!

Seriously though, I think this could be considered cheating just a little.

Sunglasses

Worn by: Nomad, Hitman, Blade, etc.

If you're not up for goggles, there's always a cheaper way out through sunglasses. While I consider Jack Munroe's Nomad to be one of the best heroes out there and best costume for a casual hero type, I've never been one to follow how he kept the sunglasses on. Also, how are they handy in a fight indoors?

It's really hard to see a hero pull this off and not look like someone off "Jersey Shore", but it's been done. Oddly enough, this is the one look that looks best in the movie versions of the characters. It's hard to pull off a mask on a real person, but sunglasses always look tough.

I almost threw Cyclops in with this group, but I'm not really sure it would be fair. I think he'd fall more under a mixture of the goggles and sunglasses crowd.

No Mask

Worn by: Superman, The Sentry, Punisher, etc.

Of course, there are those who skip masks altogether and just say "Here I am. Look at me!" It's usually done by someone with nothing to hide because their identity is public (like the Punisher) or they look differently when in their secret identity (like DC's Captain Marvel or The Sentry). And yes, Superman hides behind glasses (even dumber than a domino mask) and still folks can't figure out who he is.

Whatever the reason, this is the easy way out. Fight as hard as you want to and never worry about someone seeing your face because your mask got shredded. I can't say I'm a fan of this though. For me, I think it's always cooler to see a hero in some form of mask. The only exception I'll give is the Punisher. I think he'd look a little weird wearing one for some reason.

Helmet

Worn by: Ant-Man, Iron Man, Doctor Fate, Forbush Man, etc.

For real protection, it's hard to go wrong with a good old-fashioned piece of metal on your head! Whether you're using it to control an entire suit of armor like Iron Man or just to hide your identity like Red Hood, you can't say anything about the functionality of one. However, hiding the costume takes a lot of creative thinking when you can't just cram it all under your tuxedo and walk in.

I've always  thought artists probably love drawing helmeted characters more than anything else. No worries about emotion on the face or anything...just a blank slate.

The only character easier to draw would have to be the Question.

Hood

Worn by: Green Arrow, The Spectre, Moon Knight, etc

While hiding identity, I have to say this one would be hard to justify as safe. Think about it: your peripheral vision is absolutely shot. True, you're ready for a rainstorm, but if someone comes at you quietly from the side you are dead.

Also, how do you keep this on your head while you're running after (or away from) a bad guy? When I have my hood on and I go running to my car in the rain, it always flies back and lets me get soaked.

Functionally, I have to say this one is at the bottom of the barrel. Yes, the "mysterious stranger" look works when stepping out of the shadows...but it's not the best choice in a fight.

Over-the-Head Mask

Worn by: Captain America, Hawk and Dove, the Atom, etc.

I'm not sure of the official name for this look, so let's just say it's a cowl without the cape kind of thing. It's been popular for years with everyone from the Flash to Vindicator wearing one.

The thing that makes this one slightly less believable is the way the heroes usually have it during "casual times". Most of the time their whole head is through the mouth part with the mask laying behind their head until the pull it up over their head and on. That sucker would be so stretched out it would blow off in a light wind.

There is a variation of this mask where the hair is seen. Marvel's version of Captain Marvel and the original Captain Britain look are two heroes who go that way with it. Again, I'm not sure what it's officially called though. You know what I mean, right?

Weird Everything-But-The-Face Mask

Worn by: Puck, Justice, The Angel, Gambit, etc.

Ok, I had no idea what you actually called this one, but I've seen it from time to time. I guess this would be considered a "face frame" more than a mask.

I suppose this one would be more for those heroes who want to wear a mask, while still wanting people to know what they looked like underneath. This might even fit into the "no mask" category.

Maybe you're proud of your hair, or maybe you just like the way you look in the mirror, either way, if this is your choice it's not very functional for anything other than keeping your ears warm in the wind.


There are a lot of characters that fit into combinations of categories that I didn't cover. For example, Magneto would fit into the helmet/face-frame mixture. Doctor Doom would fit into the helmet/hood group. Deadshot would be an entirely new combination, with full-face mask/eyescope group. The combinations are endless.

As you can tell, it would be impossible to categorize them all. Hopefully I've covered the most often used ones though.

Smallville's Series Finale - The CW's Finger to the Fans

I just finished watching the Smallville series finale. If you haven't seen it and don't want spoilers, stop reading right now.

For the rest of you...

Ten years. We watched this show for 10 years for one reason: to see the suit. How many times did it suffer horrible words flung at it from critics everywhere, while we fans fought and defended it because we hoped for a happy ending? Through every stupid Lana episode, we held on even though she would never die. With every moronic "I didn't ask for this destiny!" speech we heard from Clark, we kept on tuning in. Even when Lex himself left, we still stuck around through horrible storylines and cheap villains just because we wanted to see the suit.

Yep, I got a million bucks for those ten minutes.

And here we ended up, 10 years later, and we only wanted two things: Michael Rosenbaum to return to the role he made his own: Lex Luthor (check, we got that one), and we wanted to see Welling in the suit. After teasing for weeks on end about it, showing clips of it and even an outline of the cape for a few promos, the night came to deliver.

What did we get? A half dozen long-range shots of a tiny figure in the suit that actually looked less convincing than 98% of the Photoshop fan pictures I've seen on the internet! And when it finally swung around to give us a glimpse, it cuts to a comic book? Are you kidding me??? Do they honestly think we don't know what Superman looks like in the comic books???

Suck it, viewers! You'll never see this! Hahahaa!

Rosenbaum did great, and the "memory loss powder" was a very nice touch that allowed the mythos to step in there for no memory of Smallville. But 10 minutes? And all we got was a speech to Clark and a speech to Tess (right before he killed her...nice touch and points for you there, writers). They should have skipped the whole Darkseid angle and just given us two hours of Clark versus Lex.

Or--and I know this is a crazy thought but hear me out here--they could have given us Welling in the suit! One shot! Just one! If that's all we were worth to you producers and writers, you should have given us one lousy shot.

Now we get to add Smallville's finale to the list of great series bombouts like Battlestar Galactica and Lost.

Hey guys, please let me know when you're starting another series so I can be sure to save my time and money.

Yeah, how you like me now, eh?

On the other hand, I'm sure Brandon Routh is sleeping happily tonight knowing that someone did manage to put together a Superman piece of junk worse that Superman Returns. For that, I'm sure he thanks the writers and producers profusely.

Smallville's season finale...if this is what WB can do with heroes, it's time to stop reading comic books.

The only way they will ever redeem this mess is if they let Welling come into the JLA movie as Superman. Chances of that happening are just slightly less than Spider-Man 3 winning an award as the best comic book film ever made.

Am I wrong? Did you like it? Did you feel those CGI pinpoint versions of Welling in costume were enough? Let your voice be heard in the comments!

6 Annoying Things About Comics

It's been a very long time since I've looked at something like this, so I thought I'd continue on with more.

Even though comic books are complete fantasy, they do follow a certain set of rules of their own. Even heroes who can fly have laws of gravity and physics around them that the comic writers adhere to. However, have you ever read a comic story and thought, "Even in a world where men can run faster than light and can fly, that doesn't make sense!"? Here are a few of the things that always confused me:

1. How can you be the worlds fastest man and yet carry on a conversation with others while fighting?

Imagine standing still and having someone rip past you in an F-15 jet telling you about their day. Number one, how much of that would you actually hear? Number two, what kind of witty response could you come up with?

You can say all that in a second?

The correct answer is: nothing (unless you're an auctioneer).

And yet, the comic writers continued to let Flash and his villain of the month talk it out while trying to fight it all out. And we're not talking about a quick sentence here or there...we're talking entire conversations with enough time for response on the part of the normal-speed villain. And yet the guys could never hit the Flash with any ray or weapon?

2. Why didn't Superman just throw Doomsday into outer space?

Works every time.

Superman's battle with Doomsday was supposed to be the stuff of legend. Here was the monster who would finally kill the Man of Steel. But through the whole thing I kept thinking: Just throw him into outer space! I mean, once you've decided to kill or be killed for that big ending, just skip the "be killed" part and toss him. Let some other planet with stronger heroes finish him off, or let him just wander on Jupiter and die of boredom.

Come to think of it, why didn't Superman just do that for most of his too-close-for-comfort fights? Giant robots he would get beat down with a million times before hitting would have been a simple matter of flying behind them, grabbing them, and going straight up until you see stars around you before letting go. End of fight.

3. Why set up an elaborate trap to kill the hero, then leave without watching it work?

If you spent weeks putting together some cool death trap, then you finally got that hero you've always wanted to kill into it, wouldn't you want to see if it worked? I mean, how do you test something like that other than finding the dumbest henchman in your posse and saying "Hey, stand right here for a second."

Yet time and again Batman would be put into one trap after another and then the villain would leave to spend his stolen money or whatever and the Caped Crusader would escape. With all the bad guys trapped together in Arkham, you'd think they'd talk to each other and say, "You know, I left when he was in my trap and now I'm here too...heyyyyyyy, wait a minute...I think I've got an idea...what if we stayed in the room until he was dead?"

And all those elaborate traps costing thousands of dollars when a simple bullet would have ended things quickly and cheaply? Hey, if your villains are named Penguin, Joker, and Clayface they can't be too smart, right?

And speaking of Batman gripes...

4. How can you wear a mask under a mask and yet no can see the pointy ears?

Batman had this annoying little habit during the 70's and 80's of wearing his mask under the mask of whatever thug he was pretending to be. Seems a little redundant to me, but whatever.

It's the ears, Batman. I promise.

Sure enough, when the jig was up he was ready to rip off the fake mask and reveal his regular pointy-eared one underneath...yet no one in the group was smart enough to say, "You know, it looks like something is living under Ted's face right now. I don't think that's really his skin. Hey...he's wearing a mask!"

I guess their inattention to detail is what made it so easy to beat them time and again, eh?

5. No one notices the goatee...really?

No resemblance

Put on a pair of sunglasses, walk up to your best friend, and say "hey". Chances are exceptionally good they'll start talking to you and even call you by name. Why? Because a little something hiding just your eyes can't stop someone from recognizing you. Except in comic books, where a little piece of cloth can confuse even your closest allies.

Suspending that disbelief I can do, but when Oliver Queen wears a forked yellow goatee (and he's the only guy in any of the comics who does...even looking at background characters in crowd scenes) and Green Arrow wears a forked yellow goatee, how can no one do the math? Seriously, why bother with the mask? But then again, we have that little inattention to detail that allowed so many heroes to maintain a secret identity through the Bronze Age of comics.

"Here comes trouble! Clark, look...Clark? Where'd he go? Hey, look, it's Superman!" And it's never obvious to anyone. That's why comics were so much fun back then.

6. How can you change into an elaborate costume that quickly?

Tux to this in 5 seconds flat

With the exception of the Flash and Superman (and maybe Hawk and Dove), a costume change should take a few minutes. Consider how quickly you change from work clothes to your "hanging out" clothes. It takes time, right? So how is it that heroes can see a villain attack in panel 1, then jump on them in panel 3 in full regalia and ready to go. Even allowing for that old "I'm wearing my costume underneath this tuxedo" rule that every hero seemed to follow, it still takes a minute.

Does he have tearaway clothing on at all times?

Doesn't even break stride

Forget superheroing, going from tux to costume in 5 seconds should qualify you to be a headliner in Vegas!

And how do you stuff a cape under a shirt and not have someone thinking you've got some kind of deformity going on back there?


What about you? What comic book trends annoy you when you read them?